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Beginnings: 2015​-​2019

by Emily Taylor Kelso

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1.
Not a Love Song 03:59
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You’ve got a hold on me that I can’t seem to break And you’ve got me wonderin’ how I got to feelin’ this way You must’ve found your way into my mind, ‘cause I find myself thinking of you all the time I admit I don’t know why I love this game we play, but we never know if it’s right or wrong And what I’m feelin’ ain’t what you’re thinkin’; you think you know what I’m gonna say But baby, this isn’t a love song; it’s not a love song You took me by surprise; I never saw you coming Whether it’s the truth or lies, I think we’re on to something I give you up then take you back a hundred times It’s quite an obsession for someone who isn’t even mine I admit I don’t know why I love this game we play, but we never know if it’s right or wrong And what I’m feelin’ ain’t what you’re thinkin’; you think you know what I’m gonna say But baby, this isn’t a love song; it’s not a love song Don’t ask me why I feel the way I do; it’s as much of a mystery to me as it is to you Somewhere in the mess of it all, I realized with us there’s always more than meets the eye I admit I don’t know why I love this game we play, but we never know if it’s right or wrong And what I’m feelin’ ain’t what you’re thinkin’; you think you know what I’m gonna say But baby, this isn’t a love song; it’s not a love song It’s not a love song
2.
Anything But You 04:17
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He’s looking my way; he knows just what to say, but darlin’, I don’t want anything but you He’s pulling me close; yeah I know where this goes, but darlin’, I don’t want anything but you And I could have everything in the world in front of me But none of it would mean a thing without you And I won’t be satisfied until I’m looking in your eyes and hearing you say you want me too ‘Cause I don’t want anything, anything but you I know he wants to try, but I wanna say goodbye ‘cause I don’t want anything but you Maybe he’s good, but I’ll never love him like I should, ‘cause I don’t want anything but you And I could have everything in the world in front of me But none of it would mean a thing without you And I won’t be satisfied until I’m looking in your eyes and hearing you say you want me too ‘Cause I don’t want anything, anything but you I can’t keep fighting what I’m feeling; I need something to believe in And if I had my way, you see; that would be you and me He’s pulling me close; yeah I know where this goes, but darlin’, I don’t want anything but you And I could have everything in the world in front of me But none of it would mean a thing without you And I won’t be satisfied until I’m looking in your eyes and hearing you say you want me too ‘Cause I don’t want anything, anything but you
3.
Fall 04:33
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If I should fall for you tonight, would you even think about catching me? With your eyes lit up by the candlelight, well you look just like a dream And I don’t ever wanna miss a thing about you; I never wanna leave We’ve wasted so long tryin’ to get the timing right, baby you and I We’ve got so many years in front of us here, and I don’t wanna miss another day With you, ‘cause we can have it all if we just fall If you would just open up to me, baby I’d give you everything Your smile is the only thing I see; makes me go a little crazy; makes me wanna sing And I don’t ever wanna miss a thing about you; I never wanna leave We’ve wasted so long tryin’ to get the timing right, baby you and I We’ve got so many years in front of us here, and I don’t wanna miss another day With you, ‘cause we can have it all if we just fall If you fall for me, I’ll fall for you; we could have the world baby, just us two And I’ll be your queen if you’ll be my king; darling, we could have everything We’ve wasted so long tryin’ to get the timing right, baby you and I We’ve got so many years in front of us here, and I don’t wanna miss another day No I don’t wanna miss another day We’ve wasted so long tryin’ to get the timing right, baby you and I We’ve got so many years in front of us here, and I don’t wanna miss another day With you, ‘cause we can have it all if we just fall If we just fall
4.
The Girl He Thinks I Am 03:33
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For him, I’ll never be good enough He just doesn’t know it yet I come with a big black cloud above my head He just doesn’t know it yet And I wouldn’t even know where to start ‘Cause I just can’t bear to break his heart I’ll never be the girl he thinks I am There’s so much underneath I just can’t make him understand No matter how much I wanna be, I’ll never be the girl he thinks I am He looks at me like I’m everything he needs But he doesn’t know the truth When he says my name, I hear it in his voice But he doesn’t know the truth And I wouldn’t even know where to start ‘Cause I just can’t bear to break his heart I’ll never be the girl he thinks I am There’s so much underneath I just can’t make him understand No matter how much I wanna be, I’ll never be the girl he thinks I am I’ll never give him everything he deserves ‘cause I just don’t know how Yes I want him, but he’s gonna run the other way if my walls come crashing down I’ll never be the girl he thinks I am There’s so much underneath I just can’t make him understand I’ll never be the girl he thinks I am There’s so much underneath I just can’t make him understand No matter how much I wanna be, I’ll never be Oh let me be the girl he thinks I am
5.
Finally Over You 03:35
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Why’d you have to go and say something sweet? Don’t you know I’m trying to hate you? You know we were never good at being friends; and since we’re not all, let’s be nothing I know with you boy, there are always strings attached; even when you say it’s innocent I got out of there, boy, and I’m never going back; don’t try to tell me it’s different ‘Cause I know what it’s like to let you inside, and I know that you were always my kryptonite So I won’t let you mess me up like you know you do ‘Cause I, I’m finally over you You always seem to know the perfect time to come around; just when I forgot you completely You know I know exactly what you’re trying to do, but this time you’ll never catch me ‘Cause I know what it’s like to let you inside, and I know that you were always my kryptonite So I won’t let you mess me up like you know you do ‘Cause I, I’m finally over you So I’m gonna find my strength and walk away, ‘cause I’ve been here before Enough to know that it’s a losing game, and you can’t break my heart anymore ‘Cause I know what it’s like to let you inside, and I know that you were always my kryptonite ‘Cause I know what it’s like to let you inside, and I know that you were always my kryptonite So I won’t let you mess me up like you know you do ‘Cause I, I’m finally over you
6.
Ask Me To 03:23
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If I let myself, I’d call you now And cry about how it all went down Ask you to stay and ask you to tell me how You need me bad and you need me now But I know, this time I won’t get what I want And I know it’s not your fault Oh, what a shame the universe brought you to me When you were nowhere near ready Now you’re missing out and I’m just missing you Tell me what else can I do? Baby I could love you better than anyone else could do All you’ve gotta do is ask me to I’d give anything to see your smile And be the reason it appears But I know that she’s still on your mind And she’s the reason for your tears But I know, this time I won’t get what I want And I know it’s not your fault Oh, what a shame the universe brought you to me When you were nowhere near ready Now you’re missing out and I’m just missing you Tell me what else can I do? Baby I could love you better than anyone else could do All you’ve gotta do is ask me to Heaven help me, I finally see I can’t love you while you’re holding on to her memory Oh, what a shame the universe brought you to me When you were nowhere near ready Now you’re missing out and I’m just missing you Tell me what else can I do? Baby I could love you better than anyone else could do All you’ve gotta do is ask me to
7.
One More Song 03:50
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Hey, how’s it going? I know it’s been a while since I called you up But I was wondering, do you ever think about us? Everything we could’ve been, everything we were I guess I just don’t know how to let go, oh, how to let go When so much of our story’s still untold I know I should’ve moved on by now ‘cause you’re already long gone But I can’t move on without one more song I still remember lookin’ in your eyes at 3am Driving into the darkness, I never wanted that night to end You showed me a brand new world, but I was never meant to be your girl I guess I just don’t know how to let go, oh, how to let go When so much of our story’s still untold I know I should’ve moved on by now ‘cause you’re already long gone But I can’t move on without one more song I can’t deny, I fell for you But if you knew yourself like I do, darling, you would to I guess I just don’t know how to let go, oh, how to let go When so much of our story’s still untold I know I should’ve moved on by now ‘cause you’re already long gone But I can’t move on No I can’t move on without one more song One more song
8.
Wish You Were Here 03:27
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I get this reoccurring nightmare Where I can’t, I can’t, I can’t find you And I keep wishin’ you were right there Or that I could be, be right beside you But it’s not a nightmare when I live it every day ‘Cause I can’t wake up from a sad reality I wish you were here with me ‘cause without you I can’t breathe I’m a mess, I confess, I need you I do So please, say you’ll be near; I wish you were here Did you find what you were after When you left me on the corner crying? Or did you end up going back there Wishin’ you hadn’t stopped trying? But it’s still a nightmare that I live every day ‘Cause I can’t wake up from this sad reality I wish you were here with me ‘cause without you I can’t breathe I’m a mess, I confess, I need you I do So please, say you’ll be near; I wish you were here But it’s still a nightmare that I live every day ‘Cause I can’t wake up from this sad reality I wish you were here with me ‘cause without you I can’t breathe I’m a mess, I confess, I need you I do So please, say you’ll be near So please, say you’ll be near; I wish you were here
9.
Lay Back Down 04:13
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The city’s asleep, but I’m awake, wonderin’ how much more I can take ‘Cause I’ve been sleepin’ on my own and this skyrise ain’t a home anymore You can tell me that I need some help but I ain’t takin’ help from anyone but myself ‘Cause I’m gonna be just fine if you give me a little space and time And I might turn to drink, but I will never let you know And I might go insane, but I will never let you know ‘Cause I just need some time, you’ll see And I need you to lay back down with me I was a spirit runnin’ wild and free; now I’m a prisoner, locked up with no key Trapped in my own little world; a messed up existence for a girl like me And I might turn to drink, but I will never let you know And I might go insane, but I will never let you know ‘Cause I just need some time, you’ll see And I need you to lay back down with me Oh and you’ll never see Oh what a mess I can be And I wish I didn’t need you Oh but baby I do And I might turn to drink, but I will never let you know And I might go insane, but I will never let you know ‘Cause I just need some time, you’ll see And I need you to lay back down with me
10.
Go 03:24
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I’m out on the road; I’m a long way from home; just me and this guitar I’m taking a shot, and I don’t know if I’m ready or not; but I’ve got just one life, and I ought to live it right, so I’ll take a chance, take a leap; who knows where it might lead? Got six strings and four wheels, and the sun at my heels I’m driving down this lonesome road and where I’m bound, I don’t know But I just had to go I can’t wait around; I’ve got this pedal to the ground; and I might be all alone, but I’m better on my own, so I’ll take a chance, take a leap; who knows where it might lead? Got six strings and four wheels, and the sun at my heels I’m driving down this lonesome road and where I’m bound, I don’t know But I just had to go And they might say I’m crazy for leaving this town; might think I’m foolish for not settling down But there’s something screaming inside my soul, telling me it’s time to go I’ll take a chance, take a leap; who knows where it might lead? Got six strings and four wheels, and the sun at my heels I’m driving down this lonesome road and where I’m bound, I don’t know I’ll take a chance, take a leap; who knows where it might lead? Got six strings and four wheels, and the sun at my heels I’m driving down this lonesome road and where I’m bound, I don’t know But I just had to go
11.
Cryin' Wolf (Goodbye) 04:45
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Four years of back and forth; for four years I tried to ignore Who you knew you really were, but all it did was get me hurt So I gotta break the chains that kept me shackled to the pain And this is the last time I give you one last chance; I’ve said it one too many times, but I hope you understand That wanting you is killin’ me and I wanna make it out alive; baby I’m not crying wolf this time This is goodbye The storm is raging now; rain pouring down, my tears pouring out With every drop and every breath, I’m reminded of things you never said So I gotta break the chains that kept me shackled to the pain And this is the last time I give you one last chance; I’ve said it one too many times, but I hope you understand That wanting you is killin’ me and I wanna make it out alive; baby I’m not crying wolf this time This is goodbye But your silence, it was deafening to me; and I know it’s best to set you free But it’s gonna be hard to fix my heart when a piece of it is still with you And I know there’s not a damn thing you will do And this is the last time I give you one last chance; I’ve said it one too many times, but I hope you understand That wanting you is killin’ me and I wanna make it out alive; baby I’m not crying wolf this time I hope you know without you I’ll be fine; this is goodbye
12.
Elaine (The Elantra) 02:01
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We got her brand new, shiny and black Fourteen years went by just like that And when we had to say goodbye, I cried She was just like family to us That old car watched me grow up And every mile’s a memory to me She saw me through the good times and bad All the bumps along the way All the adventures that we had Well they’re still with me every day By far, she was more than just a car She met all of the boys And all of my friends, when we made too much noise And you can’t replace how she was all about that bass She saw me through the good times and bad All the bumps along the way All the adventures that we had Well they’re still with me every day By far, she was more than just a car Ooh, by far, she was more than just a car

about

This collection of re-recordings takes me through most of my undergraduate degree and then some. Turns out university is no less chaotic and formative than high school.

Not a Love Song was me trying to figure out my feelings for someone. They weren’t as clear as the “I’m so in love” feelings I had in high school. They were complicated. They stayed complicated.

Anything But You came from a party I went to in my first year of university. I remembered one particular guy pursuing me the whole night, and when he tried to kiss me at the end of the night, my brain essentially went “absolutely not. Do not want.” It gave me a little clarity about how I was feeling and about whom I was feeling it.

Fall is peak irony. I was not in love with this person, but everyone around us thought we should date. Every summer break, we’d work together and endure all these comments about how we should be dating. Eventually, I think the comments got to me and I thought, “okay maybe we should just date.” I really didn’t want to ruin our friendship, so it was terrifying. We never did end up dating—he came out a few years later!

The Girl He Thinks I Am, like “Fall,” was written when everyone around me was convinced I should date one of my best friends. Ironically, I thought I was the one with the secret that would make it impossible for us to work out. In reality, I was just dealing with unprocessed trauma, but he had a much more valid reason not to date me! (We’re still super close friends, FYI.)

Finally Over You was me realizing that it didn’t matter how much time I spent living away from home and everyone I knew in high school; those old feelings would come rushing back if I let my guard down, and I was determined not to let it happen.

Ask Me To, One More Song, and Wish You Were Here were all me catching feelings for someone who was still getting over their ex. The feelings were intense and came on quick, but they thankfully faded just as fast. My favourite thing about the songs I wrote about this situation is how the songs somehow sound like the two of us.

Lay Back Down is the product of a very bad mental health moment and a late night songwriting session. Not to be taken literally, but to be felt.

Go is one of those songs I only write when I’m looking forward to my future, “Born to Fly” by Sarah Evans style. I was definitely feeling excited about life that day.

Cryin’ Wolf (Goodbye), despite the mention of “four years,” was 100% not about the first high school heartbreak. It’s about a complicated friendship that just felt like too much.

Elaine (The Elantra) is literally a song about my mom’s car. I wrote it around the time she was finally buying a new car after having Elaine for over a decade, and I cannot believe it made me so emotional!

credits

released November 26, 2022

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Emily Taylor Kelso Halifax, Nova Scotia

As a kid, I was that girl who wrote songs about anything and everything. As an adult, I'm still that same girl. All I've added is a little twang.

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