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Beginnings: 2012

by Emily Taylor Kelso

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1.
Love Story 04:26
This time, I know what it feels like I know what’s right and what’s wrong and it’s where we belong tonight It’s clear, we’re meant to be here It’s like we’re here and we’re now and that’s what it’s about my dear It’s more than a crush, but there’s no need to rush You are the sunshine, always brightening up my day You are a strong wind, blowing the rain clouds away I wanna be with you; I wanna make you stay You’re the reason I’m singing and the song that I play You be the hero, I’ll be the damsel in distress You’ll be my prince, I’ll be the princess Darling, we’re about to begin You know there’s ups and there’s downs in this life that we’re living My love, even if it gets rough I know there’s you and there’s me and that’ll all that we’ll need, it’s enough It’s more than a crush, but there’s no need to rush You are the sunshine, always brightening up my day You are a strong wind, blowing the rain clouds away I wanna be with you; I wanna make you stay You’re the reason I’m singing and the song that I play You be the hero, I’ll be the damsel in distress You’ll be my prince, I’ll be the princess
2.
Here I sit, one more night waiting for your call Now I see they were right; why’d I let myself fall? Got caught up, I got stuck in your big web of lies Gave my all; I give up, no more last tries Are you happy now? You took a good girl and brought her down Are you happy now? You took my heart and threw it on the ground I fell for your twisted game; can’t take it back, I’ll never be the same Don’t expect me to come back around; are you happy now? Are you happy now? You warned me, I’ll admit; I really shoulda known A broken optimist still checking my phone You got me, got me good; I really fell for you You got what you wanted; now you say we’re through Are you happy now? You took a good girl and brought her down Are you happy now? You took my heart and threw it on the ground I fell for your twisted game; can’t take it back, I’ll never be the same Don’t expect me to come back around; are you happy now? Are you happy now? Don’t make excuses; I know the truth; it was never about me, it was you Waiting for a girl to think you were heaven-sent; waiting to steal her innocence Are you happy now? I got back up when you knocked me down Are you happy now? I picked my heart right up off the ground I know that you’ll never change, you’ll never win; I beat your twisted game Don’t expect me to come back around; are you happy now? Are you happy now?
3.
Stupid Boy 03:33
She was a princess, full of innocence But you played her like your favorite game; didn’t care if you caused her pain She gave her all to you; you broke her heart in two, stupid boy, stupid boy Stupid boy, you made her believe; stupid boy, you said she was all you’d ever need She fell so hard for you but you were never true, stupid boy She was beautiful, had the world in the palm of her hands But you did everything you could to make her throw away her plans She gave her all to you; you broke her heart in two, stupid boy, stupid boy Stupid boy, you made her believe; stupid boy, you said she was all you’d ever need She fell so hard for you but you were never true, stupid boy Stupid boy, you made her believe; stupid boy, you said she was all you’d ever need She fell so hard for you but you were never true, stupid boy Stupid boy, stupid boy Stupid boy, stupid boy Stupid boy, stupid boy Stupid boy, stupid boy She was beautiful, had the world in the palm of her hands You did what you could to make her throw away her plans Stupid boy, stupid boy Stupid boy, stupid boy
4.
Over You 03:25
I’m alone but I’m not lonely; that’s what I tell myself You were never right for me; that’s what I tell myself I say these crazy things hoping it’ll be okay If I’m lucky, I’ll believe ‘em someday If I tell myself I’m right, you’re wrong; if I get through this it’ll make me strong Before too long, I’ll see it’s true; my life ain’t over, I’m just gettin’ over you I’ve said so much I regret just to make myself believe That I’m fine, but I’m not fine yet; that’s the part that you don’t see I say these crazy things hoping it’ll be okay If I’m lucky, I’ll believe ‘em someday If I tell myself I’m right, you’re wrong; if I get through this it’ll make me strong Before too long, I’ll see it’s true; my life ain’t over, I’m just gettin’ over you I never meant to start a war; I never tried to hurt you or Do something crazy to get your attention I just tried to move on but then someone would mention Your name and my smile came crashing down and tears fell like raindrops to the ground I get it all together then it all falls apart So tell me how long does I take to fix a broken heart? If I tell myself I’m right, you’re wrong; if I get through this it’ll make me strong Before too long, I’ll see it’s true; my life ain’t over, I’m just gettin’ over you If I tell myself I’m right, you’re wrong; if I get through this it’ll make me strong Before too long, I’ll see it’s true; my life ain’t over, I’m just gettin’ over you
5.
Recovery 03:49
Hit me out of nowhere, crashed right into me; cleared my vision, now I can see There’s so much out there I can discover; I’ve let you go, now I can recover I feel it inside me, something’s changed; don’t look now, there’s a smile on my face I let the time wash away your memory; you had my heart, but baby, I took back the key It’s like I’m walking barefoot in the sunshine; smiling bright ‘cause I got a love and it’s all mine There’s magic in the air today, and I’m okay, okay I’m letting go of the pain inside my body; now I see how good it feels to be free You can bet I got the world before me, and it got me singing Na na na na na nanana na na, na na na na na nanana na na I was starting to believe I’d never get over you; I knew moving on was long overdue But I woke up and your role had been shifted; now it feels like a huge weight has been lifted It’s like I’m walking barefoot in the sunshine; smiling bright ‘cause I got a love and it’s all mine There’s magic in the air today, and I’m okay, okay I’m letting go of the pain inside my body; now I see how good it feels to be free You can bet I got the world before me, and it got me singing Na na na na na nanana na na, na na na na na nanana na na Do what you want, say what you will; it’s just a matter of time until you see I’m fine I was so scared, I thought I was stuck; just when I was gonna let go, the clouds opened up It’s like I’m walking barefoot in the sunshine; smiling bright ‘cause I got a love and it’s all mine There’s magic in the air today, and I’m okay, okay I’m letting go of the pain inside my body; now I see how good it feels to be free You can bet I got the world before me, and it got me singing Na na na na na nanana na na, na na na na na nanana na na It’s my recovery
6.
You had me and all you ever wanted; and then you let me go It took some time but I’ve moved on, yeah And now you want me to know that you’re sorry Do you miss me, miss me baby? How I used to, used to drive you crazy Do you wanna kiss me, kiss me maybe? ‘Cause you, you still love me, love me baby I bet you wish you’d never let me go, oh, I know You miss me, miss me baby; you miss me, miss me baby I was free fallin’ into nothing; hit the ground and broke apart Now I hear you’re saying we had something And you wanna fix my heart, well it’s too late Do you miss me, miss me baby? How I used to, used to drive you crazy Do you wanna kiss me, kiss me maybe? ‘Cause you, you still love me, love me baby I bet you wish you’d never let me go, oh, I know You miss me, miss me baby; you miss me, miss me baby Miss me, miss me, never get to kiss me Miss me, miss me, the joke’s on you Miss me, miss me, never get to kiss me Miss me, miss me, but I don’t miss you too Do you miss me, miss me baby? How I used to, used to drive you crazy Do you wanna kiss me, kiss me maybe? ‘Cause you, you still love me, love me baby I bet you wish you’d never let me go, oh, I know Do you miss me, miss me baby? How I used to, used to drive you crazy Do you wanna kiss me, kiss me maybe? ‘Cause you, you still love me, love me baby I bet you wish you’d never let me go, oh, I know You miss me, miss me baby; you miss me, miss me baby
7.
Seems I fell into love when you were falling out Everybody told me it wasn’t worth crying about So I put on a smile instead of falling apart and soon real love found its way to my heart That’s what’s good about goodbyes; they’re always worth the tears you cry And when you crash and burn it’s just a lesson learned You might even see all you were meant to be, and that’s what happened to me It just took some time for me to realize what’s good about goodbyes All the times you tried to mess with my head, well they only made me stronger instead And when you left and put me through hell, well I learned so much about myself That’s what’s good about goodbyes; they’re always worth the tears you cry And when you crash and burn it’s just a lesson learned You might even see all you were meant to be, and that’s what happened to me It just took some time for me to realize what’s good about goodbyes And maybe someday I’ll see you just walking down the street And then I’ll say “how are you?” and if you remember me Then we’ll catch up like two old friends, and we’ll see we were right to let it end That’s what’s good about goodbyes; they’re always worth the tears you cry And when you crash and burn it’s just a lesson learned You might even see all you were meant to be, and that’s what happened to me It just took some time for me to realize You’ll see it too if you open up your eyes—what’s good about goodbyes What’s good about goodbyes
8.
I bet you’re telling her everything you told me, like “we’ve got a good thing baby,” “If you ever leave, I swear I’ll die; I need you like the sun needs the sky” I bet you love her more than anything, she’s the melody that makes you wanna sing But when she sees the truth, you know what she’ll do Take what’s left of her heart and run ‘cause you could never love anyone like I loved you You know the game, yeah you’re real smooth; but mark my words baby, you will lose They’re gonna stop wasting their time, ‘cause good girls don’t let bad boys make them cry I bet you tell her she’s your other half, I bet she fell in love with your laugh But when she sees the truth, you know what she’ll do Take what’s left of her heart and run ‘cause you could never love anyone like I loved you You know the game, yeah you’re real smooth; but mark my words baby, you will lose They’re gonna stop wasting their time, ‘cause good girls don’t let bad boys make them cry Who do you think you are? Don’t you see all these scars? That’s all because of you, giving love that wasn’t true And if she’s smart, here’s what she’ll do Take what’s left of her heart and run ‘cause you could never love anyone like I loved you You know the game, yeah you’re real smooth; but mark my words baby, you will lose They’re gonna stop wasting their time, ‘cause good girls don’t let bad boys make them cry No they don’t, no they don’t waste their time No they don’t, no they don’t let bad boys make them cry Good girls don’t let Let bad boys make them cry
9.
Look around you, the sky is fallin’ down, down And I am watchin’ your walls tumble to the ground, the ground Your past is catchin’ up to you tonight, you feel like you’re losing the fight But it’s alright, mistakes don’t make you who you are You’re worth life, to me you’re still a shining star Even if you crash and burn, you’ll be okay I’ll be here for you each step of the way Now I know why you pushed me away, away You were fighting with your inner demons every day, every day You couldn’t find the words to make it right You were too afraid to see the light But it’s alright, mistakes don’t make you who you are You’re worth life, to me you’re still a shining star Even if you crash and burn, you’ll be okay I’ll be here for you each step of the way You tried livin’ like a stone, denying any pain you felt Not a broken heart or a broken bone But all this time it was puttin’ you through hell But it’s alright, mistakes don’t make you who you are You’re worth life, to me you’re still a shining star Even if you crash and burn, you’ll be okay I’ll be here for you each step of the way I’ll be here for you each step of the way
10.
I’ve built up walls and I can’t make them fall I wish I wasn’t so scared; I wish I could believe that you cared But I can’t open up just like that, and I’m sorry to say there’s just no chance As far as I’m concerned, there’s no getting better; no matter how hard I try No diamond ring, no Prince Charming or sweet love letter could bring me to life inside I’ve been numb since the day we died Believe me, I didn’t want this; if you’re looking for my heart, it’s still his I’ve made mistakes even time can’t erase I’ve got no room for Mr. Right; these broken wings will never take flight As long as he’s still got my heart, it won’t believe that we’re apart As far as I’m concerned, there’s no getting better; no matter how hard I try No diamond ring, no Prince Charming or sweet love letter could bring me to life inside I’ve been numb since the day we died Believe me, I didn’t want this; if you’re looking for my heart, it’s still his Something keeps me hanging on when I should let go, Lord knows And it’s not fair to see you there, and know we’re both pretending It’s supposed to be you and me; we’re meant to have a happy ending As far as I’m concerned, there’s no getting better; no matter how hard I try No diamond ring, no Prince Charming or sweet love letter could bring me to life inside I’ve been numb since the day we died Believe me, I didn’t want this; if you’re looking for my heart, it’s still his
11.
Well I saw him by the fire with a beer in his hand And I fought the desire to go talk to him again Then he saw me and couldn’t resist coming over and telling me what he missed He said “I know it sounds crazy, totally absurd, and you can say I’m drunk but just hear these words I’m still in love with you Yeah I’m intoxicated but it’s still true; I’ll never move on ‘cause I still need you I’m sorry for what I put you through, and I’m still in love with you I’m still in love with you” Well I know I tried to tell him I wasn’t falling for his games That he’d regret it in the morning, but I kissed him just the same I let him tell me what was in his heart; all I wanted from the start He said “I know it sounds crazy, totally absurd, and you can say I’m drunk but just hear these words I’m still in love with you Yeah I’m intoxicated but it’s still true; I’ll never move on ‘cause I still need you I’m sorry for what I put you through, and I’m still in love with you I’m still in love with you” And when we had to say goodbye, he kissed my lips one last time And I knew that was the end; in the morning he’d be gone again, even though he said “I know it sounds crazy, totally absurd, and you can say I’m drunk but just hear these words I’m still in love with you Yeah I’m intoxicated but it’s still true; I’ll never move on ‘cause I still need you I’m sorry for what I put you through, and I’m still in love with you I’m still in love with you” “Yeah I’m intoxicated but it’s still true; I’ll never move on ‘cause I still need you I’m still in love with you, yeah”
12.
Sometimes I get the feeling, way down deep inside, you’re still here I have a million reasons I know I shouldn’t cry, but it gets so lonely here Every time I think of you, I know I can get through I will not break, I will not bend; I will be here until the very end Next time you see me, I’ll be standing tall; I will not quit, and I will not fall This life ain’t always easy, but whenever it gets rough, I know you’re here with me It’s not how it used to be, no it ain’t like it was, but you’re still watching over me Every time I think of you, I know I can get through I will not break, I will not bend; I will be here until the very end Next time you see me, I’ll be standing tall; I will not quit, and I will not fall When I feel like giving up the fight, when I feel like letting go Somehow you show me the light that leads me somewhere only we know I will not break, I will not bend; I will be here until the very end Next time you see me, I’ll be standing tall; I will not quit, and I will not fall I’m finding my way, I’m chasing my dreams; and without you it’s harder than it should be If I crash and burn, I’ll keep on coming back; ‘cause I can be strong and you taught me that
13.
I don’t know if you ever think of me; I don’t know how you wanted this to be I don’t know why I ever let you in; all I know is I don’t wanna fall for you again I don’t know what you’re thinkin’ ‘bout tonight; I don’t know if life’s treating you alright I don’t know why I thought of you when I’m with him; all I know is I don’t wanna fall for you again I know he’s good, good for me; I know he’s better than you could ever be So this game of ours has finally gotta end ‘Cause I know I can’t fall for you again We both know that it’s for the best; we had to lay our love to rest We both know that we were destined to end, and I know I don’t wanna fall for you again I know he’s good, good for me; I know he’s better than you could ever be So this game of ours has finally gotta end ‘Cause I know I can’t fall for you again I ought to thank you for a good run; for making me feel like I found the one For the memories stuck inside my head; for the letters that you never read For walking out the door; starting now, you’re not my muse anymore I know he’s good, good for me; I know he’s better than you could ever be So this game of ours has finally gotta end ‘Cause I know I can’t fall for you again
14.
This is the last song I’ll ever sing for you; all the melodies and words so blue The pages whisper that it’s time, time to start the life meant to be mine He’s doing everything you never do, but I can’t give him my heart if it still wants you So as of now, yeah, starting today, it’s all for him; you won’t get in my way This is the last song, this is the last song, this is the last song I’ll sing for you This is the tears are gone, never again will I cry; this is my final goodbye to you This is the last time I’ll think of you again; I’ve got the courage to forget all the times when You’d look at me with those dazzling eyes, and for a moment I was hypnotized I’ll forget about the bad times too; how you were never there when I needed you All those “I love you’s” they just don’t work, so I’ll forget about how much they hurt This is the last song, this is the last song, this is the last song I’ll sing for you This is the tears are gone, never again will I cry; this is my final goodbye to you Through the good and the bad, the love that we had, it was something unmistakable But does it show, oh, does anyone know? Our love was irreplaceable They told me moving on wasn’t hard to do But it’s been a year since all we’ve been through And the pieces of my heart are finding their way, their way to him, so now it’s time I say This is the last song, this is the last song, this is the last song I’ll sing for you This is the tears are gone, never again will I cry; this is my final goodbye to you This is the last song I’ll ever write for you; I know it’s what I have to do Let myself let you go and say goodbye; just as long as I don’t look into your eyes This is the last song, this is the last song, this is the last song I’ll sing for you This is the tears are gone, never again will I cry; this is my final goodbye to you

about

I’ll tell you forever that 2012 was the worst year of my life. It wasn’t all bad, but I was so absolutely unequipped for what I went through that it took the next decade to recover, and in some ways it permanently altered me as a person.

That’s why this year gets its own album of re-recordings. I wrote hundreds of songs to process it all, and when I look back, I still love most of them. As emotional as I personally think these songs are, they don’t scratch the surface of what I went through. Those songs didn’t start coming out of me until 5 years later after a whole psychology degree and a little therapy.

Love Story is the most ironic way to start this collection, but I insist on doing things chronologically. So this is me falling in love for the first time.

Are You Happy Now is me getting my heart broken for the first time despite everyone trying to warn me.

Stupid Boy is peak pettiness on my part. I’ll own up to that one; I was being a dramatic 15-year-old kid.

Over You was me trying to be hopeful and trust that time would heal all despite how messy it was in that moment. (Spoiler alert: it would.)

Recovery was the first day I felt truly good again. (Spoiler alert: it wouldn’t last.)

Miss Me, Miss Me was me re-gaining my confidence and remembering I was worth loving, and worth missing.

What’s Good About Goodbyes had a bridge that came to me in the shower; I wrote the song around it. I liked writing as if I was years in the future, reflecting back on whatever I was going through in that exact moment with wisdom and clarity. I especially like revisiting songs like that now that it really is years in the future.

Good Girls (Bad Boys) is about the first time you hear that the first person to break your heart is seeing someone new.

Each Step of the Way just proves how complicated humans are. It proves that I could be angry and hurt and heartbroken but still insist on caring about the person who caused it all once I saw that they were going through something. (Or it proves I was really easily manipulated. We’ll never know what really happened here.)

It’s Still His is that feeling when you’re not over someone, but there’s someone new trying to win your heart. It’s not that new person’s fault; you’re just not ready until you’re ready.

Still in Love with You is… exactly what it is. Exactly.

You Taught Me That was mainly inspired by the grandfather I lost when I was 6. I had a weird relationship with religion and the idea of heaven when I was younger, and writing songs like this gave me so much comfort.

Fall for You Again is how it feels to love someone new but still have moments where you worry that you’re not over that first heartbreak. It’s weird the first time you care about two people at once; before that, you don’t believe there’s anyone else out there for you. At least when you’re 16.

The Last Song was me being determined to start the new year without dragging 2012’s baggage into it. It was also right after Taylor Swift released Red, and I was obsessed with All Too Well. Unfortunately for me, this was not actually the last song.

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released November 18, 2022

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Emily Taylor Kelso Halifax, Nova Scotia

As a kid, I was that girl who wrote songs about anything and everything. As an adult, I'm still that same girl. All I've added is a little twang.

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