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Beginnings: 2013​-​2014

by Emily Taylor Kelso

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1.
I Hate Myself (For Loving You) 03:48
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I can’t be just your friend; it’s gotta be all or nothing for me Or else this pain won’t end; it can’t be somewhere in between And I try to let go of you, I try to move on; try to live without you, I try to stay strong But it feels wrong; I’m gone I hate myself for loving you the way I do; it hurts like hell not having you like I used to And I swore I’d be okay, but I hate myself for loving you this way Oh and you’re with her now; I guess we have to be nothing at all ‘Cause I tried sticking around, but you can kill me with a look so small And I try to let go of you, I try to move on; try to live without you, I try to stay strong But it feels wrong; I’m gone I hate myself for loving you the way I do; it hurts like hell not having you like I used to And I swore I’d be okay, but I hate myself for loving you this way And maybe someday I’ll get over you; and maybe someday you’ll want me back again And maybe someday it’ll be your turn to say "I hate myself for loving you the way I do; it hurts like hell not having you like I used to And I swore I’d be okay, but I hate myself for loving you this way"
2.
Break My Broken Heart 04:35
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It’s strange to hear your voice saying my name, calling me baby, saying you’ve changed I know you too well to think that you mean it When you say it’s over with her, I just don’t believe it Baby did you have too much to drink? ‘Cause I know you know better than to think That you could Break my broken heart again, when I know it’s the same old start with the same old end And you’ve got a girl at home, and somehow she loves you so I’m not gonna fall apart ‘cause you can’t break my broken heart I know you think you love me right now; but you’re just in a fight; she’ll come around You know it’s not right, holding me like this when she’s sitting at home And you’re leaning in for a kiss Baby did you have too much to drink? ‘Cause I know you know better than to think That you could Break my broken heart again, when I know it’s the same old start with the same old end And you’ve got a girl at home, and somehow she loves you so I’m not gonna fall apart ‘cause you can’t break my broken heart Tell me does she know you’ve been sneaking around; calling me up? She should know what’s going down I want you to know this time it’s the end; I’m so over it I won’t let you in again, so you can Break my broken heart again, when I know it’s the same old start with the same old end And you’ve got a girl at home, and somehow she loves you so I’m not gonna fall apart ‘cause you can’t break my broken heart
3.
Can't Hold Back 03:11
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I wanna walk in the sun; I’m wild, I’m free, I’m born to run You can’t tie me down, I’m gettin’ out of this goodbye town Footloose and fancy free, got my whole life ahead of me There’s a fire burnin’ inside, a reckless soul that I can’t hide My heart’s ready to sing ‘cause you can’t hold back a wild thing Don’t bother tryin’ to win me over, don’t think we’re gonna get any closer I’m tellin’ you from the start, I’m only gonna break your heart Footloose and fancy free, got my whole life ahead of me There’s a fire burnin’ inside, a reckless soul that I can’t hide My heart’s ready to sing ‘cause you can’t hold back a wild thing You can’t hold on to a wild thing, you can’t no no You can’t change the song they sing, you can’t no no You can’t hold on to a wild thing, you can’t no no You can’t change the song they sing, you can’t no no You can’t hold on to a wild thing, you can’t no no You can’t change the song they sing, you can’t no no Footloose and fancy free, got my whole life ahead of me There’s a fire burnin’ inside, a reckless soul that I can’t hide My heart’s ready to sing ‘cause you can’t hold back a wild thing Footloose and fancy free, got my whole life ahead of me There’s a fire burnin’ inside, a reckless soul that I can’t hide My heart’s ready to sing ‘cause you can’t hold back a wild thing No you can’t hold back You can’t hold back a wild thing— no, no Do do do do
4.
Never Again 02:58
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I knew you’d miss me when you called it off ‘Cause life without me ain’t quite what you thought But that girl of yours, you know she adores you And now you’re moving closer to me and smiling like you do Never again, oh never again; every time I get you out, you creep right back in It’s what you’ve done from the start; get bored and play games with my heart And I let you do it; I let you win, just to say never again, again I’m saying you’re drunk and you’re saying you’ve changed I can’t do this again; it’ll just end the same You’ll change your mind; you’ll go back to her Each and every time it hurts even worse Never again, oh never again; every time I get you out, you creep right back in It’s what you’ve done from the start; get bored and play games with my heart And I let you do it; I let you win, just to say never again, again One day I’ll find my strength; look you in the eyes; keep you at arms’ length Tell you it’s over; don’t come around; all you’ve done is drag me down Never again, oh never again; every time I get you out, you creep right back in It’s what you’ve done from the start; get bored and play games with my heart And I let you do it; I let you win, just to say never again, again
5.
I'm On My Way 03:31
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I’m walking down the street with the sun shining on my face This concrete jungle welcomes me with its warm embrace And every thought I’ve ever had about you disappeared When I looked around me and I saw I was here I’m on my way to finding who I am; make no mistake I’ve got a real good plan All I need is a city that can take my mind off the stupid little boy that I left behind And I know he’s gonna regret the day he left, ‘cause now I’m on my way It took some time to realize you would only hold me back You wanted me to settle down, but I want so much more than that And all the tricks and games you played, well they won’t work on me now I’ve got too much time and too much life, and I won’t settle down I’m on my way to finding who I am; make no mistake I’ve got a real good plan All I need is a city that can take my mind off the stupid little boy that I left behind And I know he’s gonna regret the day he left, ‘cause now I’m on my way I never knew there was so much out there for me to see I never knew all I had to do was just get free I’m on my way to finding who I am; make no mistake I’ve got a real good plan All I need is a city that can take my mind off the stupid little boy that I left behind And a little bit of sun and a beautiful day to remind me that it’s gonna be okay And there’s a world out there and it’s all mine, and I’m telling myself I’m gonna be fine And I know he’s gonna regret the day he left, ‘cause now I’m on my way
6.
Found 03:42
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I saw her in the corner with her tear-stained eyes Mumblin’ the words to some old lullaby She said, “he used to sing this to me” I asked her what had happened and she told me it all A little story ‘bout a boy who broke down her walls She said, “I can’t believe I couldn’t see” He just up and walked right out the door, I don’t know who I am anymore Know what? So what? You can do better without him I know it sucks, but there’s no sense cryin’ about him Just cross that bridge, get over it, and burn it down down down You’re a diamond in the rough and you deserve to be found So I got her up dancin’ and before too long She was throwin’ up her hands, gettin’ lost in the song She said, “I’ve never felt more alive” But then the song changed and we were back to the start And it was up to me to fix her broken heart She said, “I don’t think that I’ll survive” He just up and walked right out the door, I don’t know who I am anymore Know what? So what? You can do better without him I know it sucks, but there’s no sense cryin’ about him Just cross that bridge, get over it, and burn it down down down You’re a diamond in the rough and you deserve to be found He left without a single word, ran off into the arms of another girl And I’m here to help you see the truth, that she’ll never be as good as you Know what? So what? You can do better without him I know it sucks, but there’s no sense cryin’ about him Just cross that bridge, get over it, and burn it down down down You’re a diamond in the rough and you deserve to be found Know what? So what? You can do better without him I know it sucks, but there’s no sense cryin’ about him Just cross that bridge, get over it, and burn it down down down You’re a diamond in the rough and you deserve to be found
7.
That Much 03:53
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The weather’s cool now, fall’s in the air; it sure feels different without you there Part of me wants to call you up, but I just don’t miss you that much If things were different I’d still be yours; but I don’t want it to be like before Part of me wants to pick us back up, but I just don’t miss you that much I’m not gonna lie, I still miss you sometimes; but darling, missin’ you just ain’t enough I don’t wanna go back to being us; baby I don’t miss you that much Baby, I don’t miss you that much You and I had something true; I don’t know how to let go of you Even though I’m alone, I won’t call you up ‘cause I just don’t miss you that much I’m not gonna lie, I still miss you sometimes; but darling, missin’ you just ain’t enough I don’t wanna go back to being us; baby I don’t miss you that much Baby, I don’t miss you that much I don’t miss you enough to want you back; I don’t miss you enough to tell you that I still care, I still don’t want to; I don’t miss you enough to still love you If you ever think I’ll wanna pick us back up; honey, I just don’t miss you that much I’m not gonna lie, I still miss you sometimes; but darling, missin’ you just ain’t enough I don’t wanna go back to being us; baby I don’t miss you that much Baby, I don’t miss you that much Baby I don’t miss you that much; baby I don’t miss you that much
8.
Just a Memory 04:16
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I wanna skip to the day when I don’t have to see his face I wanna skip to when he’s gonna be nothin’ more than just a memory to me To me I’m gonna leave on a jet plane, I’m gonna make you remember my name And I won’t settle down, I’m gonna run this town I’m gonna get on with my life and I won’t lie awake at night Wishin’ you were next to me, you’ll be just a memory Just a memory I’m sick of the pain, sick of standing in the rain I wanna skip to when I’m finally free and he’s nothin’ but a memory to me To me I’m gonna leave on a jet plane, I’m gonna make you remember my name And I won’t settle down, I’m gonna run this town I’m gonna get on with my life and I won’t lie awake at night Wishin’ you were next to me, you’ll be just a memory Just a memory I’m gonna leave on a jet plane, I’m gonna make you remember my name And I won’t settle down, I’m gonna run this town I’m gonna get on with my life and I won’t lie awake at night Wishin’ you were next to me, you’ll be just a memory Just a memory
9.
You're Not Alone 04:22
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Teardrops, falling from your eyes; worn out from the goodbyes; tangled up in all the lies You’ve tried to be strong; held your head up as you sang your song But alone in the dark, you can’t hold on; you can’t pretend anymore; it’s all so wrong When you think you’re all alone; when you think nobody cares When you think you’ve got no one, turn around; I’ll be right there When this battle you’re fighting feels like it can’t be won Honey, I want you to know you’re not alone Darling, I’ve been there too; and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do To help you try and get through; and I wish I could, but you’re the only one who can save you When you think you’re all alone; when you think nobody cares When you think you’ve got no one, turn around; I’ll be right there When this battle you’re fighting feels like it can’t be won Honey, I want you to know you’re not alone Silently screaming for someone to see past that smile; see what’s hiding beneath All the pain that you hide, all the hurt in your eyes; all the words you’re just dying to say You think that you need someone to make you believe Someone to take all your troubles away When you think you’re all alone; when you think nobody cares When you think you’ve got no one, turn around; I’ll be right there When this battle you’re fighting feels like it can’t be won Honey, I want you to know you’re not alone
10.
LC (The Day I Got Away) 03:45
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Down a one-way street I found those old school doors And all the memories came rushing back once more It’s where I had my first kiss; it’s where he broke my heart There isn’t much that I miss, but the day I finally got to start to live Back then I couldn’t wait to get out; couldn’t wait to get to where I am now Free of my past, free at last; I couldn’t wait to get away I was fifteen when I figured it out, that this was nothing but a goodbye town There was nothing here to make me stay; it wouldn’t matter anyway I wouldn’t change a moment of the day I got away You could say I learned a lot; I learned to fight for myself And for exactly what I want; that’s where I learned to give ‘em hell If I had to go back, I wouldn’t change a thing ‘Cause it’s the reason I know that I’m capable of really anything Back then I couldn’t wait to get out; couldn’t wait to get to where I am now Free of my past, free at last; I couldn’t wait to get away I was fifteen when I figured it out, that this was nothing but a goodbye town There was nothing here to make me stay; it wouldn’t matter anyway I wouldn’t change a moment of the day I got away And all those friends who forgot I existed, and all the boys who thought they won Now times have changed and that’s the difference; just take a look at how far I’ve come Back then I couldn’t wait to get out; couldn’t wait to get to where I am now Free of my past, free at last; I couldn’t wait to get away I was fifteen when I figured it out, that this was nothing but a goodbye town There was nothing here to make me stay; it wouldn’t matter anyway I wouldn’t change a moment of the day I got away
11.
Don't Get to Get to Me 03:43
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You have a tendency to call me up whenever you’re feeling down You really seem to like to bring it up even though you know it’s out of bounds Baby, we’ve been over for a long time now; I think it’s time to let you know You know I don’t stand for fooling around, and now I’m gonna let you go Did my back hurt your knife? ‘Cause it didn’t hurt me All the lies, you can spare; I won’t break so easily Now that I see you for who you really are, I’ve gotta get out and I’m gonna go far I’m burning that bridge right down to ashes, you see Baby, you don’t get to get to me You know I really thought that you could be the one; I never would’ve believed Everything we had was gonna come undone; I can’t believe you did that to me I hope you’re happy and I hope she treats you well; most of all I hope she sees That you break every heart you steal, and I’m done with the king of thieves Did my back hurt your knife? ‘Cause it didn’t hurt me All the lies, you can spare; I won’t break so easily Now that I see you for who you really are, I’ve gotta get out and I’m gonna go far I’m burning that bridge right down to ashes, you see Baby, you don’t get to get to me Your truths were just lies in disguise; you always had a good alibi And I hope she was worth it; I hope to God she’s perfect ‘Cause you won’t get me back again; this is our bitter end Did my back hurt your knife? ‘Cause it didn’t hurt me All the lies, you can spare; I won’t break so easily Now that I see you for who you really are, I’ve gotta get out and I’m gonna go far I’m burning that bridge right down to ashes, you see Baby, you don’t get to get to me Baby, you don’t get to get to me
12.
When You're Drunk 02:21
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You say you’ll always be there for me So how come when I need you I can’t find any sympathy? Am I asking for too much, or am I just not enough? Baby, how come you only want me when you’re drunk? You know you’re really messin’ with my mind And I know you know it’s my heart on the line I’m not the only one with walls up and I’ve had just about enough Tell me, how come you only want me when you’re drunk? When you’re drunk is when you’ve got the time to make me feel like I’m worth it And in the morning you’ll be gone again, but I’m not worried ‘cause you’ll be back next weekend I’m not the only one with walls up and I’ve had just about enough Boy you better make your mind up if there’s a chance in hell for us I know you don’t just want me when you’re drunk

about

High school is so formative. It’s an emotional roller coaster. I was still trying to process 2012, but I was also having some of the best experiences of my life and dealing with friendship drama and planning for (and starting) my future. It all gave me some great songwriting fodder. I feel like you can hear the maturity in some of these lyrics compared to the songs I wrote in 2012. They were so fun to re-record!

I Hate Myself (For Loving You) was me realizing “The Last Song” from 2012 would never be the last song. Not even close. But it was also me realizing that time would eventually help me out and get me over the heartbreak. Hence the bridge and last chorus!

Break My Broken Heart stemmed from one of many high school parties that all played out the same way. All of them. I knew I wasn’t over what I was dealing with, so I was trying to be extra careful with my heart, even if it meant denying myself what I thought I wanted at the time.

Can’t Hold Back absolutely happened because I used the phrase “footloose and fancy free” in my Tumblr name. I was in the midst of an obsession with ‘80s movies and music. Footloose actually still hasn’t left me (the song or the film).

Never Again, like “Break My Broken Heart,” was the result of a high school party, but a night where I was a little less careful with my heart. It happens!

I’m on My Way was my way of expressing the pure joy I felt in the summer of 2013. Fresh off a second breakup, which was significantly less messy than the first, I took my first trip to New York. Everything was perfect.

Found was probably the first time I wrote about a friend’s relationship and heartbreak instead of my own. (I also did this with Record High, which I released in early 2022.)

That Much clearly shows how conflicted I was when the summer ended and I went back to school. It’s much easier to move on from complicated feelings when you don’t have to see people every day, but it gets a little more confusing when you share hallways and classrooms.

Just a Memory is the epitome of “I’m so sick of still grieving a relationship that ended forever ago; come on brain, let’s get over it!” This was also one of the first songs that made me feel like I was capable of writing country music.

You’re Not Alone was me writing the words I wished someone would say to me. Senior year of high school was anxiety-filled for me; everything was about to change and I was losing friends. Let’s just say it was a bad time!

LC (The Day I Got Away) was written months before “the day I got away.” I placed myself years in the future and reflected on my years in high school and how I felt about it. I don’t know if it was supposed to bring me comfort and make it easier to leave, but I’ve never felt the need to write another song about leaving high school; years later, I still believe 17-year-old Emily nailed it.

Don’t Get to Get to Me is the third song in an accidental trilogy. “Break My Broken Heart,” “Never Again,” and this song tell the same story, but about different nights. I promise I eventually saw the pattern and broke it!

When You’re Drunk was one of the first songs I wrote after moving away for school, but it wasn’t about anyone I met at school. It sounds so much worse than it was, but this person didn’t live near me, and essentially they would only text me when they were drinking.

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released November 24, 2022

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Emily Taylor Kelso Halifax, Nova Scotia

As a kid, I was that girl who wrote songs about anything and everything. As an adult, I'm still that same girl. All I've added is a little twang.

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